Lost and Found... Thank the Gods!!!

“Where are they?”

I heard them fall over here! I swear, I’m not crazy, I heard them over here…. *looks*… they’re not there. Standing up, planting my hands on my hips, I glare at the otherwise blurry room. Only the colors of the furniture and objects around me tell me where I am and what I’m “looking” at. Turning my back on the television, I start towards the computer.

They couldn’t have possibly gone over there… but I’ll look anyway. Getting down on my knees I feel around the floor, the desk, the chair, the printer, the rug, the shelves, the stacks of books and movies, and finally moved the whole damn TV so I could get behind it.

Still, I found nothing.

Wait, let me backtrack. I’m sure you’re all wondering what in heaven’s name I’m babbling around. If you’re not, I’ll tell you anyway. You see, I was pacing (which is something I do no matter the emotion I’m feeling: sad, happy, excited, nervous, anxious and tired). At this moment, I was pacing because I was reciting lines from a freshly written chapter of my latest manuscript, It’s Us or Them… because as most of you know I can’t stand still when I’m talking. But, anyway, lets get back to the story. I was pacing, when I hard a noise.

Now, another thing you need to know about me is that I’m a paranoid person who is, for the most part, always ready for a fight. Call it my Wolf side coming out, or call it strictly paranoia… it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that the noise (banging loudly from the apartment that shares a wall with me) scared the living daylights out of me… which caused me to whirl around frantically while grasping my chest and lowering down in a light fighting stance.

Well, that’s where the crime is committed.

One minute I was wearing my glasses. The next, I wasn’t.

As soon as my vision became blurred (and I mean seriously blurred) I froze. A few seconds later I heard them land. I swear, I’m not crazy; I heard them land near the television!!!

This is where you came in: the search of my necessity.

The absence of my glasses is not tolerated, just so you know. In fact, if someone ever messed with my glasses, I would have no quarrels about killing them. I’d strangle them, get back my glasses, and call the police to turn myself in. That’s how important my glasses are to me. They are even more important to me than my flash drive… which is saying a lot!!!!

People often think I’m kidding when I say I’m blind. Sure, I can see color, make out fuzzy shapes, and see how many fingers you’re holding up, but I can’t make out faces, details, or anything besides huge blurs. So, when my glasses flew off and landed somewhere unknown, I was hit with a major problem.

After checking the television, the place I SWEAR I heard them drop, I grabbed my phone, dialed Mom’s number (I had to hold the stupid thing about three inches away from my face to do that, just so you know, because they make cell phone buttons so damn small!!!) and immediately dropped to the floor as I continued my search.

Of course, all that call did was make me more upset because Mom got mad. She wasn’t necessarily mad at me. But, she was at work and couldn’t help me… and she was mad she wasn’t there to help me.

So, I was stuck continuing my search on my own. That was a joy, let me tell you; because, as I’ve already said, I am BLIND without my glasses!

Crawling around on all fours, feeling every surface, and praying loudly only gave me sore knees and led me to knock over both of my plants, a stack of movies, and my cup of green tea. In the end, I sat down on the middle of the rug of the living room and tried to keep myself from hyperventilating.

I’d already searched the television (the entertainment center, inside the entertainment center, on top of the TV, behind the TV, on the floor around the TV and the drawers of the entertainment center (don’t know how they’d get in there, but I had to try something) three times. But, I was constantly being drawn back there. I knew, without a doubt that my damn glasses were around that stupid TV somewhere.

With my luck, they were probably there staring me right back in the face.

But, as it turned out, they weren’t.

This is going to take a turn, but how many of you are familiar with Captain Jack Sparrow? Well, a few years ago my mom bought the pirate’s wig for her Halloween costume party at work. That wig was neatly put in a box and I had it underneath the entertainment center (don’t ask me why, that’s just where it would fit without being lost in the hall closet like everything else mom puts in there). Well, I decided to look around the TV once more. I moved it again; dusted the whole stupid thing with my hands, and still came up empty handed. Or, I did until I pulled out the box the Captain Jack Sparrow wig was held in.

That’s right Lady’s and Gentleman, Captain Jack Sparrow’s wig stole my glasses! They were folded and tucked safely inside the stupid thing.

Let me tell you, after I found them I could breathe normally again; without fear of crying.

Those ten minutes or more without my glasses were the worst 10 minutes or more of my life! Well, maybe not my life, but you get the idea.

Anyway, now my glasses are right where they belong: resting on the bridge of my nose, helping me see the keyboard and make sure I’m not making any HUGE spelling errors.

Until next time,
Stasia